some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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