She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
