Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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