just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
two words: eviction party
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
