I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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