how can u be prego again
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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