Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
