I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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