i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
