The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
