you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
