In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
