I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
