I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
