i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
