Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
