I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The air taste purple.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
