I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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