i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
