There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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