Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
