No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
