i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
