U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
