Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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