paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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