the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
