Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
