how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
