the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Are we still banned from the library?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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