I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
