Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
