If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
