i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
