dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
