I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
