I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
