theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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