In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
