I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
