even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
