Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
