This is not my ceiling
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Don't make out with my wife yet
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
