so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it was like eating out sand paper
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
