there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
