its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
jump out the window naked night went bad
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
