god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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