oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
