found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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