At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
