'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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