the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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