i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
