you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She bit a glass in half.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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