It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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