Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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